Break It!

S

t Catherine of Alexandria is often associated with the spiked wheel, symbolizing her martyrdom. According to tradition, St Catherine, a highly educated and eloquent young Christian woman, was martyred likely around age 18 in the early 4th century. The symbolism of the wheel is rooted in the following events: Catherine confronted the emperor, criticizing his persecution of Christians and his worship of false gods. She debated and converted many of his philosophers, angering the emperor. As punishment, she was sentenced to torture on a spiked breaking wheel—a gruesome device designed to tear the body apart. However, legend holds that when Catherine touched the wheel, it miraculously shattered. After this, she was ultimately martyred by beheading.

The wheel also serves as a metaphor for the human struggle between two poles: the role of the chaser and the chased. This dynamic is akin to what psychologists describe as impostor syndrome—a universal human struggle, especially for those with high expectations of themselves yet plagued by self-doubt. For instance, when someone is hired for a role, they may feel unworthy, thinking, "They must have made a mistake hiring me," despite performing well. Even the Apostles Peter and Paul wrestled with similar doubts: Peter with his self-doubt and Paul with feelings of unworthiness due to his past as a persecutor of Christians.

The wheel becomes a symbol of paralysis. Jesus broke this cycle on the cross, freeing us from the relentless chase for perfection or righteousness and relentless running out of great fear of exposure as frauds. It is not wrong to chase for perfection. Psalm 139 echoes this deep human desire to be seen, loved, and valued. But it is not good when we cling to fleeting sources of perfection instead of God. This perpetuates a vicious cycle of discontentment, failure, and fatigue in fighting a war against oneself. St Thomas Aquinas says, “Only God satisfies, he infinitely exceeds all our pleasures. That is why man can rest in nothing but God.” There is none in the whole of creation that could substitute for God.

St Catherine’s faith in Jesus led to the breaking of her wheel. Her martyrdom signifies ultimate liberation from restless striving toward peaceful surrender in God. Another great saint, St Augustine, echoed this longing for peace when he wrote, "My heart is restless until it rests in You."

The second image I wish to reflect on is the widow’s two small coins. Through her magnanimous offering, Jesus breaks another wheel: the wheel of self-reliance. The widow challenges the idea that material wealth or abundance is the measure of success. While others contributed from their surplus, the widow gave her whole livelihood. Jesus said, “This poor widow put in more than all the rest; for those others have all made offerings from their surplus wealth, but she, from her poverty, has offered her whole livelihood.” Her act of trust in God broke the cycle of dependence on material security. In contrast, those who gave from their surplus remained bound to worldly measures of value and could not give freely. The widow is rich in terms of her reliance on God.

St Ignatius of Loyola embraced the widow’s spirit. The Jesuits were first identified as La Minima Compañia de Jesús—The Least Society of Jesus. Ignatius intentionally avoided self-reliance, reflecting his own experiences during his conversion when he lived as a beggar. He once gave away all his clothes to a poor man, exemplifying the widow’s detachment from material security. This magnanimous (with big spirit) self-surrender is captured in his radical Suscipe prayer:

“Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, and all my will—all that I have and possess. You, Lord, have given all that to me. I now give it back to you. Dispose of it according to your will. Give me love of yourself along with your grace, for that is enough for me.”

My third and last point centers on the Prayer for Generosity, which is attributed to St Ignatius of Loyola. Whenever I pray this I add the word “magnanimity,” which is truly Ignatian. Both St Catherine and the widow embody generosity and magnanimity (grande animo, or "big spirit"). They stand as generous and magnanimous martyrs. St Catherine, through her martyrdom, exemplifies red martyrdom—the generous shedding of blood for the faith. The widow, through her self-denial and total trust in God, exemplifies white martyrdom—a magnanimous life of sacrifice and surrender.

Generosity and magnanimity are the antidotes to impostor syndrome, the cycle of chasing and being chased, and the cycle of self-reliance. A truly generous and magnanimous person is one who has surrendered to God everything with peace and confidence. Let us pray: "Lord Jesus, teach me to be generous and magnanimous… teach me to serve you as you deserve… to give and not to count the cost… to fight and not to heed the wounds… to toil and not to seek for rest… to labor and not to seek reward, except that of knowing that I do your will. Amen. Fr JM Manzano SJ