Loving Forgiveness—endlessly being given away without running out

S

t Augustine famously remarked, "If Stephen had not prayed, the Church would not have gained Paul," suggesting that St Stephen’s intercession played a role in the conversion of St Paul, who witnessed his execution (Sermon 315, On the Martyrdom of St Stephen 34-35 AD).

The young Paul, formerly Saul, must have learned about Stephen’s last prayer to God recorded in Acts 7:60 "Then he fell on his knees and cried out, 'Lord, do not hold this sin against them.' When he had said this, he fell asleep." This prayer mirrors Jesus’ words on the cross: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do" (Lk 23:34).

Forgiveness or reconciliation is at the heart of Christmas. Today's feast of St Stephen, the first Christian martyr, becomes a living proclamation of the angel’s message of joy and peace to the shepherds. Jesus as Emmanuel, “God with us,” in a deep sense, means “God reconciled with us.”

Pope Francis spoke to pilgrims in 2017. He recalled, for example, when Jesus was hanging on the cross between two criminals, and one had the courage to make the most humble request: "Remember me when you enter into your kingdom" (Lk 23:42). The thief didn’t have good deeds to bring before the Lord, but he relied on the mercy of Jesus, recognizing that Jesus was "innocent, good, and so different from him," the Pope continued. "That word of humble repentance was enough to touch the heart of Jesus," the Pope said, noting that Jesus's response—"today you will be with me in paradise." Now, this is the only time the word "paradeisō" (παραδείσῳ) appears in the Gospels (Lk 23:43; 2 Cor 12:4, and Rev 2:7). If the thief had not prayed, the opening of the gates of paradise might have been delayed. This is what happens each time we forgive, paradise opens up to the one forgiven.

Our second point is a powerful modern example of forgiveness that comes from Kate and Andy Grosmaire, who forgave Conor McBride, a 19-year-old youth who killed his own girlfriend. Ann Grosmaire died April 2, 2010, after suffering a shotgun wound to the head. According to police, Conor McBride and Ann Grosmaire were fighting when he shot her.

But the parents forgave their daughter's killer. The bereaved mother, Kate Grosmaire, said in court, I quote, "Conor owes us a debt that he can never repay... To expect him to be able to repay that debt would leave us wanting for the rest of our lives. Both Andy and I felt that our [daughter] Ann wanted peace for us and that peace would come through forgiveness."

Forgiveness freed and transformed the heart of the young transgressor and most especially that of Kate and Andy. "It frees us," they said. When Conor heard from them that they had forgiven him and loved him. He couldn't believe it, he said, "The human, worldly response to someone killing someone's daughter is to hate that person. The Grosmaires should’ve hated me; they should've condemned me. That's the normal reaction. Yet they responded in love and have continued to do that. They've visited, they've written, and I call them every Monday. It's really a tangible forgiveness…I can't really explain it more than that. I can't do it justice with words. I'm sorry."

Inside the prison, there was a meditation on their own death. They were asked to imagine their own tombstone and on it they should write an epitaph which is their main goal to achieve before they die. Conor McBride wrote one word—"Forgiven." Conor explained that only in forgiveness can he move forward and live, without being trapped by the horrible decision he made. "I'm moving forward because of the forgiveness shown me," Conor said. Conor McBride, now thirty-three years old, is in the last leg of his 20-year sentence. It was commuted from life imprisonment.

Finally, I would like to share a deeply moving experience of celebrating a dawn Mass at New Bilibid Prison in Muntinlupa—the main facility housing Persons Deprived of Liberty (PDLs) from across the Philippines, with inmates serving sentences of 20 years or more.

Moved by their presence, I set aside my prepared homily and spoke directly from my heart. I could "hear" what God is trying to say to me at every moment I spent there. This is the time when one does not worry about what to say "for it will not be you who speak but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you" (Mt 10:20). I gently assured them that God does not cast judgment upon them, that they are deeply forgiven and loved no matter what. As they sang the Gloria, their hands lifted high, reaching out to God, I felt myself swept up in their spirit. Christmas became more real to me than ever before. Words of hope and consolation flowed from within me, effortlessly, as if God Himself were speaking through me and to me.

Many Jesuits who have been to Bilibid have often spoken about this and now I truly understand. At last, I saw the faces of people who are like the vessel of flour and jug of oil in Elijah’s story; the vessel is never emptied—it continually replenishes itself. This is the vessel of love. It is the greatest because it is both the poorest and the richest. Poorest, because love is endlessly given away, yet richest, because love never runs out. Amen Fr JM Manzano SJ